Matthew James Paupst

we watch the stars gaze in the dark sky, wondering if time will ever go by.. but sometimes its so hard to bare. knowing that your not there.   i stand there infront of your grave, drawn once again by the peacefulness feeling at ease...wishing you were standing there with me.

i always remember when we wouldent let madison play with us she thought we were so mean to her but i just didnt care. i love and miss you matt! ;)

Matt, i remember the day dad and sonya were married, we both said "a new life" and now that life is being torn apart! you were my favorite person to talk to...even though i always said "i hate you" i remember when you were in the hospital...i was jealous because i wanted dad and sonya to pay more attention to me...my own 13th birthday to went into heart failure...i thought you were going to die that day.... i thought to myself "the day my brother dies on my own damned birthday" i was so happy when you pulled through. i remember the day of the fire works, i thought you were going to die that day, i cried so hard for you that night, i remember when you said "i love you" when you came home that night. i remember the day to died... i felt dead to the world the whole next week.

Matthew, i remember the laughs, the cries and the hard times we had. I love you matthew.. my big brother... and remember this matt.. i will never forget you.

Andrew Paupst

May 3. 2009 Sandy as in Ant Sandy to Matt and myself went to PA to visit with Amber & Andrew for the weekend. We hung out mostly on Saturday as that was our whole day to visit we had traveled most of Friday and had to head home on Sunday late morning. Anyway, Amber had a commitment in Phili on Sat eve so we took Andrew to a late afternoon movie and then we stopped at Matt's grave so I could put a little gift from Mommsey on it. A package of sour patch kids and a  20 oz sprite. Sandy , Andrew and I sat and talked about Matt and his wacky sense of humor and funny things he said and did. And all of a sudden there were these 3 deer on the other side of the cemetary that had come out of the woods nearby. There were two adults and one small baby deer. They were watching us and we were being very quiet and watching them. The baby was brave a started walking towards us but stopped and looked at us for awhile. We were real quiet and it was a surreal moment. Later I said to Sandy " I think those deer represented Matt, my Mom & Dad' and it was there anniversary my parents 57th if they had lived. I just felt as their spirits were in those lovely dear that visited us near Matt's grave.