Matthew James Paupst

I remember the fire work, the stick of dinamiite blew ten feet away, the fear that strucked my body. I couldent stop crying. i couldent control my self,i thought i was going to die.....i was so scared for you.......all my life i thought i hated you, i even wanted to kill you at one point....but you what you said to me when you got home....that night, what you said to me....will never leave my memories

Well, It hasn't been easy..I think about Matthew every day ! When I look at my Jared I see Matthew...Tall and skinny with the blonde hair and blue eye`s..Every body say`s he look`s just like Matt ! They both have that crazy Ryder sense of humor..Today Jared turned 13,,all I could think about was Matt and Jared , how the 2 of them would carry on with there Bugga bugga...It`s just so hard..My heart is broke ! I Love and Miss Matthew so much !

When ever I saw or talked to Matt the first thing I said to him and the first thing he said to me was boo gaa boo gaa which always made us laugh since Matts death I've went through alot first year in middle school and 3 years since hes death sometimes I cry when I thinkabout him and all the stuff we did has brothers I just wish I was able to say bye to him before he died and until this day I always think of him and was my favorite brothers Matthew and he was a role model to me I really miss you Matt

-Jared

Once Upon A Miracle

My time on Earth was short, but now I'm back at home

I'm watching over all of you, you'll never be alone..

Someday our souls will meet again, but this time never part

My life will never end here, it's only just the start.

So when you think about me, know how happy I am here

Recall this little story, let it take away your fear.

Once upon a miracle, I heard the angels sing

Their voices filled the sky above, yet I couldn't see a thing.

Their trumpets sounded softly, as the angels sang with pride

The Gates of Heaven opened then, the sounds came from inside

I saw an angel peeking out, she was someone that I knew

her soft voice whispered to me, I've been waiting here for you.

Her soft voice whispered to me, I've been waiting here for you

Your time on Earth is now complete, for here you'll always be

Yes, once upon a miracle, the angels sang to me.

 
I Miss you so much Matthew ! I will never forget the beautiful day you came into my life..And the Peaceful day you passed..I think about you everyday, I miss your voice calling "Mommsey" I try to understand why God took you, It`s so hard Baby..My heart is broken.I just want you back Matthew, I just want you back here with me !!! I love you and Miss you so much !!! Mommsey

THREE YEARS!  exactly a week from today, its going to be three years. time flies, i remember when dad and sonya sat us down to talk, it was a friday, when my father said(as he started to cry)"matthew past today" that moment for the first time of my life, i felt nothing but hatred and sorrow. i hated everybody and everything, it felt like my insides was being torn apart, it hurt so badly, i still can remember the pain. like it just happened. then i felt nothing. empty, hearless, and even evil. at this point i truely wanted to kill myself, i felt no need to live, my life was pointless. then i found....GOD, i truely believe he pulled my through it all,